Thursday, May 20, 2004

Mud Slingin'

Besides having a lot of free time to write and look for jobs, being unemployed also opens up a world of interesting television that, in my 24 years of existance, have never been privy to. Of course there are the inevitable soaps, but I can't get into the cheezy acting and dialogue, not to mention the stupid plot twists. But hey, to each his own, right?

So, that said, I think I have found something much better than traditional daytime television: drag racing on ESPN2. Now, normally I wouldn't watch racing. It's just not me. Don't get me wrong: I love cars and engines and horsepower. I have a subscription to Car And Driver and everything (though you'll find the 'Racing' section in said magazine to be a little less read than the new car tests and previews). I guess there is just not a lot of long term staying power with me in terms of watching cars race around a track or, even worse, just going straight ahead on a drag strip. Sure, its fun to watch...for about the first two races. And then the remote is back in my hands searching for a movie or The Fairly OddParents.

Or Spongebob.

I know that the technology in these cars is outstanding and the fact that some of them can get to 330 mph in a few seconds is simply too much for my imagination. But how can scenarios like the ones played out on every drag show keep even the most dedicated canned beer drinking fan focused? I mean, come on! The cars will line up in their lanes, do a burnout for about 50 feet, reverse back to the starting line, inch toward the light, and then fly down the strip at incredibly fast speeds and low times. The routine is then repeted. Not exactly engrossing television to say the least. So how do the producers of ESPN2 keep it interesting?

Well, they do little side stories.

And this is where it gets interesting.

Ever wonder what you would do if an engine belt burst on your way to Granny's? Well, you'd fix it with this handy dandy epoxy that bonds rubber! Yessirie! Now, I wouldn't believe it m'self, but the proof is right here in the puddin' if he didn' take that belt and stretch it. I can't believe it!

Or maybe yer a wrenchhead and jus dyin' t'know what kinda octane or tranny or nitrous delivery systems these beasts'r sportin'?

Well, ESPN2 has your answer.

That said, I feel kind of bad for the announcers sometimes. I mean, do these guys really want to be out there interviewing gap-toothed hayseeds? I have to believe they got into broadcasting to things like the Olympics or sports that actually require strength and finese on the part of human beings.

Or who knows? Maybe they went into broadcast journalism soley for drag racing. I wonder if there is a specific degree track for it? I wonder if you have to take "Redneck Accent Development 101" before "Fuels 206" or "Transmissions 522"?

These questions need to be answered.

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