Thursday, May 13, 2004

Imagine

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if my imagination were not so...vivid. It can be a good thing too, don't get me wrong, but man, it can lead to some serious disappointment. See, when my imagination and firm belief in jinx karma, I possess the ability to not only maintain my terrible luck, but level entire civilizations. Remember Rome? Yep, that whole 'Fall of Rome' thing was all because of me in a past life.

I was sitting there by my cozy fire, thinking about roasted meats and the upcoming orgy and - blame it on the lager or opium - I start thinking about the future. But not like the future everyone else was thinking about at the time, all marble and collosol, nope. My thoughts start turning to things going wrong, citizens uprising, riots, a hostile takeover by some irritated...well, look what happened. Maybe not all in that order, but Rome fell...hard.

Because of me. Or someone like me who had terrible luck and for one second thought of a far fetched idea and it actually happens.

Okay, so this isn't Rome. Roasted meats and orgies are not part of my everyday fare, but one thing is the same: bad luck. Yep. That's it. Rome fell because of some drunk toga-guy with horrid luck had a passing thought that Rome might not have the best of times ahead of it. Now, historians will probably rebuke me and point to geopolitical climates or unsteady economies or something like that, but, believe me: bad luck.

And that's why were alike. I think of something bad, and it happens. Hence my firm belief in jinx karma. Now, a jinx karma newcomer might think of a way to counteract the jinx karma by never thinking negative thoughts, thereby eliminating the karma altogether.

But this is an impossibility.

First off, no one can forbid a negative thought to enter their minds.

Secondly, jinx karma KNOWS. No matter how much you try to outwith the karma, its always a step ahead. See, even if you are temporarily successful in thinking only positive thoughts, it will know. And then comes the worst part of jinx karma. For your penance for trying to outwit the karma, your positive thoughts become jinxed; you think of something good, and it doesn't happen.

So, now you can understand why having an over-active imagination and a belief in jinx karma has me in constant turmoil. Anything positive I think of, no matter how far fetched it is, it doesn't happen because I thought of it beforehand.

To point, for the past year I have been gainfully unemployed. In that time I have had numerous interviews in phone and in person. Most of the positions were at places that I didn't care for doing things I could care less about. But every now and then, an opening would come around that actually piqued my interest and I would apply for it. Knowing my karma is right around the corner, I don't think of anything. I just write my cover letters and send off my resume and think nothing of it.

And then the interview will come around. I'll go to it and it will either work out well or not; the ones that work out leave me feeling good and hoping I get another interview. If they don't go that great, oh well, right? There will be more to come. But it is the good interviews that kill me. At least with the bad ones I know nothing is going to come from them, right?

Ugghh. I am just going to end this now before I ramble on anymore.

So much to say but too many words to say it.

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