Tuesday, September 23, 2008

"Gosh, kind of a lot has happened since then."

In the past 13 months:
_I've become a father.
_I've moved twice.
_I've paid back a huge debt that's all but exhausted my salary for 2 months.
_I've landed a new job.

In the next 2 weeks:
_I will move to Bend.
_I will scour Bend for a place to rent.
_I will hopefully move yet again to aforementioned place.

If not, then I guess I'm back up here.

Hopefully we find something quick.

I haven't had a routine in months. Everything is new, always shifting, never settling. A constant state of flux and motion, uncertainty and anxiety.

I keep telling myself that this is what I need, this is what has been missing from my life for the past two years.

I'm afraid again. Unsure of what's going to happen.
It's a strange feeling, the unknown.

You're heart flutters, it sits higher in your chest. It trembles, shakes your diaphragm, forces you to inhale.

You suck it in, hold it, confirm that you're still here, still fighting, and then you let it out.

And you do it all over again.