Revelations

I've had two(!) revelations today.

Seriously.

And they are so, uh, "revelating" that I'm not even sure I want to share them - I don't want to risk their safety.

But here goes.

1. Reality TV is actually a scripted endeavor
2. No one seems to really enjoy my longer posts - it seems that the shorter ones get the most comments.
3. What the hell...one more never hurt anyone: I've yet to break the "12" comment barrier.

Okay, so the first one stems from a very brief encounter with "The Swan." I get home from shooting pool with some friends at a neighborhood bar and, after chatting for a bit, I notice "The Swan" is kind enough to be ruining our television. More terrified than angry, I quaked out: "Are you actually watching this?" To her credit, SockMama said that no, she was not watching it - it was on as she was playing with her scrapbook stuff.

I only viewed enough of it to get the idea of the show, and to realize that I was fortunate enough to be witness to the show's finale: the pageant. Now, unlike Survivor or The (Abusive) Apprentice of which I know a thing or two and am somewhat qualified to pass judgement on them, I've never seen The Swan, so what I've surmised from it is seriously the product of about three minutes of watching.

And then I cranked on Halo 2.

Anyhow, the show featured women who, while they are stunning in their makeup and cheaply designed underwear, weren't always like that. In fact, they were even (gasp) ugly before the show. So, the show's all about fixing them up and the person who wins supposedly is the prettiest and all that. In order for them to figure that out, they hold a beauty pageant. This is where I (briefly) come in.

As they are introduced by a women with an English accent (naturally), the 'swans' come on to the walkway to a little voiceover as they do an funky little dance, walk the runway, and then blow a kiss to the camera. This whole thing, by the way, is probably one of the most awkward things I've seen in quiet some time. If you've ever seen About a Boy and can recall the last scene involving the stage and singing, you have an idea of what I'm talking about.

Basically, these women come up and they do these "I'm cute and sexy and these shoes are way too tight" walks that are just begging for quick deaths. The whole thing is a ridiculous notion (granted, most reality tv is), but to cap it off and force these women to do pared down stripper moves while trying to balance on high heels is probably not what they had in mind.

But then, after all this, I realized that all reality tv, regardless of who's hosting it, what vile stuff they eat/do, concept, etc., is effectively the same: every show consists of canned messenging that was obviously written before hand. From Survivor to The Swan to The Will to Dig-Andy's-Eyeballs-Out-With-A-Dulled-Spoon, all of the shows are actually scripted. Sure, the contestants (supposedly) say what they want, but everything around them, the "shell" of the show, is scripted.

I'm not going to touch the other two revelations because I've already past my length quota for comments, so I probably won't be getting any again.

And certainly not reaching the upper echelon of comment-dome: the "12."