The Force Blog

On Sunday, SockMama and I made our way to the local puberty palace (i.e. movie theater googolplex) and checked out Revenge of the Sith.

I'll admit it; this movie is difficult to review. On the one hand, it was way better than Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones; but on the other, compared to other epic films that combine action, drama, love stories, and special effects, it sucks.

Luckily for me, I knew this going into the movie, so I decided to judge Episode III against its predecessors. Which is a good thing, because it was a good flick in that regard. It had a great opening sequence and the special effects deserve an Oscar mention.

Then there’s the script. This is the weakest part of any of the Star Wars films, even the originals. But that’s not a huge deal, because the success of Star Wars in the late 70s and 80s wasn’t due to the script; it was due to the actual story and more importantly, the special effects.

So here’s my rant. George Lucas, much like Darth Vader, witnessed a mighty rise, and an even mightier fall. He struck gold with the first movies; people were star struck (literally) by the effects and killer storyline. But then he waited too long (or whatever the reason was for not doing the prequels earlier). So that when he brought out Phantom Menace, the story was broken and very, very unattached to the final 3 films; the only semblances of the plot had to do with last names. Plus, he had to throw in that retarded Jar-Jar character in the mix and pretty much seal the deal on the film’s credibility as a decent movie.

Here’s the thing: Episode III COULD have been incredible. It had most of the right elements for an epic movie: special effects, music, sound…but what about the script? Lucas, for some reason, insisted on not having help with the screenplay, which is so painfully obvious in the film that it begins to take away from the actual movie experience. Seriously. This script reduced one of today’s best actresses into a pile of emotionless crap; she stumbled through her lines and looked nauseas every time she had to speak. SockMama told me that she (Portman) took 27 takes simply because, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t make the line sound good. And if you’ve seen this film, you know what I’m talking about.

But then there’s Hayden Christenson. Once upon a time, even this guy could act. If you don’t believe me (and I realize you’re doubtful after his last three tries), check out ‘Life as a House’ – he’s actually good. Why? Script.

But Lucas couldn’t let go; his ego, like the Dark Side, took over and he resisted every offer by some of the film industry’s top writers to help him make a movie that was actually as good on the brain and ear as it was the eye. So when Darth Vader raised his arms and yelled out the clichéd, “Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!” I could relate entirely.

Hold me, readers, like you did in the fields of Mediocrity.